This past weekend, I was out with friends and we started talking about the crazy things that people do for “adrenaline rush” – Like jump out of airplanes, watch scary movies or on a sadder note, self-mutilation……

We debated about what was “crazy” what was “normal” and socially acceptable (to whom, to what society, etc) and I found it incredibly interesting. For example, cutting is unfortunate, sad and recognized as a behavioral disorder of self-mutilation. But branding is a socially acceptable “body art” that has become popular as a permanent tattoo alternative for people wanting to prove themselves or go through a coming-of-age-type experience. Some have argued both are “crazy” (not my words!- In this weekend’s discussion the practice of hanging by meat hooks was also taken up and I won’t go into that now!). The question is: Why is this practice being done? What is the motivation and is it “healthy” or not, I suppose…..

We have television shows that are designed to freak us out by showing disgusting foods, situations or experiences, we have scary movies, we have voyeuristic “reality shows” that range from fame-seeking party kids to wild terrain survival shows – And these are all here for us to feel things we never feel in our own lives….(??!!). Really? We NEVER feel enough excitement?

I thought we were a stressed-out society…I thought we all needed escape from our own reality of high unemployment and high gas prices, and that we all needed more happy movies and thoughts. The deal is that we all do need an escape and most people do prefer to experience positive emotions (according to  Andrade and  Cohen. “On the Consumption of Negative Feelings” Journal of Consumer Research: August 2007) – However, there are many people that derive pleasure from thrills and chills – From extreme sports to extremely violent games, and activities (whether real or virtual) that can increase our blood pressure, liven our senses and make us forget our troubles.

Thrills of all kinds can give us a sense of relief, too – When the bad bit is done – The movie is over, the conflict resolves, the game won, the sport or adventure accomplished; We feel that sense of release that we really need. Maybe that sense of relief that we are unable to acheive in our life of unending stress or un-realized goals or unpaid mortgages and on and on.

So, are we looking for a surrogate for life’s real challenge-and-win? What are we really afraid of? I can tell you that. Most people I know are deathly afraid of silence, sitting still and facing their own thoughts. We are afraid of facing our own judgements. This is, in truth what most of us fear to face.

I have some really good news. You are much too hard on yourself! Take it easy, you are gonna be okay – Just give it a try. Take a deep breath – Sit down and try quiet for a few minutes. Listen to your own breath, your own thoughts and what is going on inside. Now, be nice! Try to be compassionate with yourself and just breathe. You do not need to solve the problems in front of you. Nor anyone else’s problems. Just rest and relax. Just for a few minutes. You may find a bit of clarity here.

Was that scary? Difficult? I know. We all avoid the silence when the going gets tough. Good thing for Halloween and Scary movies……Try some sitting though, too